Online Diplomacy, Picking Up Where Fantasy Football Left Off

If the record of human history needs more evidence to
point to my fondness for and participation in nerdy activities,
add Online Diplomacy to the leger. Diplomacy is a stellar
game. In a nutshell, imagine Risk without the dice, where
all conquest and conquering is predicated on convincing
other players to support the moves of your units on the board. It
requires participants to be skilled in strategy as well as
rhetoric and, well, acting. One cannot compete in a game
of diplomacy without lying, conniving, making the sale,
playing personalities off each other, etc., And its no holds
barred. The rules of the game allow--and even encourage,
somewhat-- espionage. Its high drama, and a lot of fun.
One of my fondest diplomacy memories is watching my buddy
Josh get so worked up over my older brother crossing him, that
Josh sent older brother to the floor with a classic Ben Wallace
to Ron Artest type body-shove. Now, this type of behavior isn't
to be condoned.. just shows how involved people can become
with the game.

In the long lost golden years of the 90s, I'd play Diplomacy
with my older brother and his close-knit posse of six or seven
guys over some cheap greasy pizza and a lakesworth of Mountain
Dew. I don't know where those years went, but they're gone.
Now, we're spread all over the eastern US, and forced to play
the game online. Which is still generally a good time.
Unfortunately, in the inaugural game, I'm getting totally schooled.
The Czar of Russia, played in this scenario by one Mr. Bill Korner
(who, to my credit, does hold a law degree from Harvard...
sharp guy) crossed me in the first year of action in such a way
that one of my units was completely destroyed. This has never
happened to me in a Diplomacy game. And the fallout is such that
I think Austria/Hungary and mother Russia are going to make
quick work of me, the Turks, and that will be that. Oh well.
After drafting Jamal Lewis and Michael Clayton and failing to
move my army in Bulgaria into Greece in the fall of 1901 I'm just
riding a cold streak in the world of make-believe glory that has been
unforgiving and punishing. I should really get out today and play
some Ultimate Frisbee. Good to get some fresh air.

At any rate, if you're interested in peeking in on the game, I've
setup a website tracking the action. The url is:

http://ohgreeks.tripod.com

Fantasy Flop

Crap-ola. The 05' Fantasy Season comes to a bitter,
disappointing end with a whimper rather than a bang.
My team, with very few exceptions, crapped out. My
opponent, Phil "Mr. Buffalo" Whitman didn't do too hot,
either, but he did have Larry Johnson on the roster who,
I had expected, would not gain 160 total yards and 3 TDs
against Bill Parcell's "defense savvy" Dallas Cowboys.
Here's the irony and stupidity of fantasy. So, you'd
think as Larry went... 140 rushing yards, 3 rushing TDs,
so would the Chiefs, picking up the W... but they didn't.
Go figure.

Amendment 29

We're all up to speed with and on board with Amendment 28
to the US Constitution--the abolition of daylight savings--
thanks to my post from a couple weeks ago. And by the way,
I think the Repubs successfully slipped the shortening of
the fall back period by two months into the 05' Omnibus
Energy Bill. Which is good news. Hooray. Still doesn't
help us out on a day like today, when I think the sun set
in NYC at 2:36 pm, before the soaps ended and various
"Judge TV" programs even hit the airwaves.

Here's Amendment 29:

Christmas can never fall on a weekend. It must skip
Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. For example, this year, Christmas
would be observed on Monday the 26th, not Sunday the 25th.

This isn't a dig on Christianity or Santa Clause or the number
25. There are just too many logistical difficulties associated
with trying to do the holiday/religious observation-family thing
and the weekend R&R thing on a Sat. or Sun. And with New Years
falling on the next weekend, it makes for a devil of a time to try to
schedule being out of town for both events. Take this year for
example: if you want to share both holidays with family and friends
out of town, and we're designating Jan. 1 as a 'recovery' day and
not a travel/back on saddle and ready to go day, we're talking
about a commitment of about 10 days gone. Ouch. Doesn't quite jive
with el work schedule. And the first weekend is largely lost to
most non-family activities (beyond shopping perhaps. Great).

OK. I'll just come out and say it. A 'Christmas Weekend' and
a fun weekend to catch up with an extended network of friends
and family are pretty much mutually exclusive. Both are or should
be sacrosanct. But problems are spawned on the homefront as
well. There's the guilt of being homebound and pretending that you
wouldn't prefer to be watching Spurs vs. Pistons or NFL Football
instead of playing Scategories with the fam... whatever.
You're getting the general gist of my point here. And the religion
thing... just read an article online today that many Mega-churches
are bumping Sunday services this year. So I'm not even going out
on a limb on that one. (though our stated reasons are very different.
Yes. Who cares).

Swell. Out of the way. Call your state legislative leaders today.

Up next: Amendment Thir-tay.


Happy Holidays Ya'll 

Be Great, Alexander. Be Great.

Monday night football. Before we get to fantasy implications...

If you do not read Bill Simmons on espn.com, make a habit of
reading Bill Simmons on espn.com. It will improve how you feel
and your outlook on life. He's establishing himself as the
Mark Twain of comedy writers. Sports and pop culture are his
chosen vehicles for column-writing, but that's beside the point.
An excerpt from his Friday NFL-predictions, spoofing the
ever-changing country song MNF on ABC has been running this
NFL season:

Chad Johnson did a special dance in the Steel City
J.P. Losman murdered the Bills once again, it's such a pity
In Minnesota the Ewing Theory replaced the Sex Cruise
In Baltimore Billick sees Boller and thinks about booze

Harrington gunned down Matt Millen in the locker room
Vick went into Carolina and he lowered the boom
Because I like it, I love it, I want some more of it
I try so hard, I can't rise above it.
Don't know what it is 'bout the pushin' and the shovin'
But I like it, I love it, I want some more of it

At any rate, I'm going to get this guy's most recent book
signed on Thursday. I plan on asking him to write something
self-ingratiating in it like, "I'm the Bill Shakespeare of
Sportswriters" or "I'm Bill Simmons, and I'm a National
Treasure." The book is about the Red Sox and the "sport"
of Major League Baseball, which I am caring less and less about
by the 'Carlos Delgado to the Mets for three guys in the stands'
day.. so I might not even read the thing. The columns on
espn are the real gems.

Back to fantasy. My season has blown chunks. From Jamal
Lewis turning in ONE worthy performance, Michael Clayton
turning in NO worthy performances, Issac Bruce's turf toe,
Stephen Davis's Robocop knee, Peyton Manning allowing the
defense to steal his spotlight for the first five weeks,
etc., etc., its been a long and unsuccessful affair.
Ironically, I'll still be able to limp into my league's
playoffs at 5-7-1 if Shaun Alexander outperforms Brian
Westbrook tonight (and not because Shaun or Brian are on my
team... this is about another guy loosing). Vegas would
probably give me 25-1 odds on this, but the fantasy winds of
strange fate and fortune blow hard, and I wouldn't be shocked
if Shaun missed the first half because he locked himself in
the team's hotel bathroom.

But I feel good about the playoffs if I can sneak in tonight.
Peyton is on fire. Mike Anderson is fairly dependable. The
matchups for my receivers are good. The Ds and my kickers
are solid. Lets keep our fingers crossed.

Earlier in the season I had been predicted a Broncos vs.
Panthers Superbowl. I am now officially changing that prediction
to:

Colts: 45 NFC Team: Less than 45 points.

***UPDATE***

Shaun Rumbled for 2 TDs and the Eagles looked like the worst
team in the NFL. I'm officially in the playoffs, and going against
Phil Whitmam from Buffalo, NY this Sun. My player matchups are
ridiculously favorable this week, and I think I have a great
shot at winning. This will be rough for Phil. Four consecutive
Super Bowl losses in the 90s aside, fate will be cruel once again
for this fan from Buffalo. From last week's real-world collapse on
a last second TD from the unstoppable SAGE ROSENFELS, to
fake-world defeat at the hands of my 5-7-1 squad I renamed after the
NBA team that fled Buffalo, a level 8.5 stomach punch is headed
westward on I-90 at breakneck speed. But again, Phil belongs to a
tortured class, and should be used to these by now. Strap a
leatherstocking helmet on the Wrigley Field Billygoat, and you'll
find that critter playing pigskin on the eastern shores of Lake Erie.