I F***ing Hate Daylight Savings

Yay! Its getting dark at 5 o'clock! Yay! Right when
you get out of work. Maybe. Maybe you got out of work
and it was dark two or three hours ago. BONUS: its
also getting cold and grey. So if the lack of light
wasn't enough to send your seratonin levels into a
hellish depressing tailspin, try winter!

This sucks.

There's a longer blog in the pipeline that outlines my
3 Amendments to the US Constitution, but here's one of them:

Abolish Daylight Savings

Replace it with something that keeps the evening lit,
forever and always.

THE REPUBLICANS, whose policy ideas I infrequently agree
with, have floated a proposal to shorten the 'fall back'
period by two months. This is A-OK, like raising the speed
limits in the mid-90s. Official, on the record justification
is that it would save billions on energy costs. Which it
probably would. But the real reason its being pushed is
because the retail industry supports it. Whatever. Lets
stop being coy.

It reallllly sucks for the sun to set at 4:37 PM. Life no
fun. Lets do away with this. Why not? As far as I can
tell, because of the poor kids and farmers. To that I say:
balderdash. Thems not good reasons. Here's why...

(1) Let the kids go to school in the dark. Builds character.
Teaches survival skills. Everything is so posh these days.
Life is served up on a silver platter. Kids got no expectations
on them beyond doing well on silly standardized tests, playing
the violin or soccer, maybe graduating from high school or
going to college. Well, here's a challenge... try finding
your way to the busstop at 6:43 am when its not mid-afternoon
bright outside. Save some of that allowance and buy a flash-
light. Tie a string. We didn't win the Revolutionary War
and write The Constitution getting driven around in SUVs and
watching Chicken Little. Sacrifice. Ingenuity. Perseverance.
I'm finishing my coffee.

Of course I'm kidding. But only a little.

(2) The poor dairy farmers. Without daylight savings, wouldn't
know what time to milk the cows (like, with the mega-
corporatization of farming, are there more than 4 people
in the US on any given day who are actually milking animals
by hand??). Here's an idea. Milk the cows when you can see
them. Buy a cow-themed clock and set the alarm to when it gets
bright outside (in my world, this would be about 90 minutes to
2 hours after it does currently: you don't even need a new
clock). When the alarm goes off, roll out of bed, throw on the
Carhartts, and go milk the cows. They're not going to stop giving
milk, and I'm not going to stop taking milk in my coffee.
Trust me.

I apologize to the world and all those who actually have to
spend time with me for my elevated level of crankiness until
we do away with this monkey business sometime in April. April.
Ugg. Long live sport. If we didn't have the interminable
NBA season, NFL, and March Madness, I don't know how I'd get
through this stretch. Please people, we can put an end to this.
Abolish daylight savings. Keep it light late.

Thanks.